There are many challenges and sacrifices that an adult has to go through. Adulting itself comes with a host of responsibilities. And the more the responsibilities, the more the sacrifices. Losing your friend is one such sacrifice that you made. It might have started quite early – since the time when you started working. Probably, you had to give up on your passions. And plans with your friends were shifted to only weekends. The time demanded so and you did likewise.
And slowly, more responsibilities pop up. From dating to marriage to children – the burden of adulting just keeps piling up. And you start making major sacrifices. Yes, losing your friend can seem like one of the toughest sacrifices that you can make but it happens almost naturally. Life happens and slowly your friend starts drawing apart. Perhaps you are in a new city and you don’t meet anymore. The Facebook likes are not just as personal as a lunch plan. Eventually, the dormant friendship comes to an end.
However, can a lost friendship be revived again?
According to Gillian Butler, a fellow in the British Psychological Society – there can be several reasons why you end up losing your friend. You might have work constraints, family or different geographical locations. But Butler also mentions that losing a friend does not have to be the be-all and end-all. There is another reason why the loss can be final and that reason is mostly psychological. When you lose a friend, you don’t want to get back, out of guilt and fear. You believe that they are no longer interested in your life and you will be breaching their privacy.
If you can overcome this feeling, then losing your friend initially will not turn into an ‘I lost my friend forever’ thing. All you need to do to revive a friendship is to put in a little effort and hope that luck is on your side. Sometimes, you don’t have to set up a one-on-one meeting too. If your husband or wife ‘accidentally’ meets your friend, they can start talking. You can slowly come into the conversation- it will be a great introduction. Such a meeting will naturally enter into talking about your lives, about how long it has been, and a history of what happened during all this time. You might even revive a lost friendship if you keep in contact.
If social life is not really your cup of tea, then you can keep an occasional but constant contact with your friend. This can be achieved by sending texts, and then, meeting up. However, according to Louise Taylor, who works for the British Association of Counseling and Psychotherapy, using social media for keeping warm contacts may appear to be lazy. Just liking some posts shows no effort on your side. Nothing beats face-to-face meetings- with all the laughs and tears.
If you have grown up with your old friend, you’ve made memories with them. You’ve seen each other fall and rise and known each other’s family history – this nostalgia will bring you together. Nostalgia itself can boost the revived connection. Losing your friend will be difficult for you when the past memories are brought back.
Butler suggests that texting is better than sending an email. However, if you do send an email – it’s best if you send it without an apology. An apology is just not inviting. Also, don’t start with a convoluted story. Take your time and be direct. Tell them you would like to meet them. However, don’t just write a ‘Let’s meet up’ message. Rather, ignite the desire in your friend so that they also want to meet up with you. And then, you might land the question.
Losing your friend can be hard – but you can always revive it. All you need is the desire, intention, and action. Best of luck to you!